Walk In The Light

This post was really hard to write. Spiritual warfare is real, y’all.

Temptation won’t always try to lure you into doing evil; all it has to do is sidetrack you from doing what is righteous (the right thing in the right way and at the right time). And the righteous thing may not look any better than the “good” thing you feel a sudden need to do: Clean the bathroom (what if someone unexpectedly comes over?), pick beans (they’ve been needing it for a day or two!), bake some bread (you have to stay ahead of the need), or sort clothes (some needy person may be looking right now for the thing hanging in my closet/in my drawer).

It’s good to do all of these things and a thousand others. Every time I feel the Lord showing me something that He wants me to write down, I can suddenly see all these other things, good things, that need to be done. But why do they need to be done right now? Am I looking for an excuse not to obey?

Uh oh, I said the “o” word. Christians love to talk about love, and they enjoy grace, but they sometimes have a hard time with “obey.” It sounds so. . .authoritarian. But Jesus tells us that if we love him, we need to keep his commandments. Obedience is they only thing we can offer to Jesus that he didn’t already give us first. Obedience, or as Paul calls it “presenting ourselves as living sacrifices” is our “reasonable service,” for our lives were bought by Jesus’ own blood. (Romans 12:1)

This morning, I began by planning out meals for the day. I began looking for an ingredient. While I was looking for it, I began to notice how cluttered the cupboard is, and began pulling things out and sorting. Does this need to be in front? Does it even need to be in here??

I came to myself when I moved something and a whole pile of things fell out onto the counter below. Food coloring, flavorings, and assorted sprinkles fell everywhere. The crash in the quiet of the early morning brought our brick-like dog, Goldie, to investigate, so I reassured her there was no actual emergency and she went back to bed.

“There is no actual emergency,” I repeated. “Then why am I wasting these golden early morning hours doing this instead of writing the post God has been putting into my heart since Tuesday?” And it’s so ironic, because I am literally failing to live out the message I am trying to communicate, but you will understand that in a sec.

On Monday, I had a string of errands ending in a meeting with someone in another town, so I had to be there on time or I would miss her. I started early, but lots happened, and it all took a lot more time than I thought. At the last minute, I got a text saying the meeting place had changed, but I handled that as well; we met on time and that was done. Then I looked down at the gas gauge and it said empty.

GPS said it was 5 miles to the closest station, but 9 miles to the next one on the way home. I really wasn’t sure what to do because it was not only on “E”, it was below it. I wasn’t even sure if I had enough to go a mile. So I prayed and felt I should head towards home, even though it was farther. So I made the decision to obey God (trust Him) and headed in that direction.

I had gone about a mile, and I can’t explain how, but the gas gauge rose a little bit from pegged below “E” (empty) to about a sixteenth of a tank! As I came to a curve in the road, I thought of my elderly friend who lived just a mile off that road. I felt another push from the Lord to stop in to check on her. I was still jittery from the stress of “what if we have to walk the rest of the way home in the rain?” and I slowed down, considering.

This “friend” is really more of an acquaintance, a woman I knew several years ago, from a different church than the one we attend now. She lives all alone in the country, and her children aren’t local. She does have a good relationship with her neighbors, though.

I haven’t spoken to her in over a year. And the last time we met, I realized that she was struggling to remember who I was. I say all this to explain that there is no human reason why I would want to go or be obligated to go. The more I thought about it, the more I came up with reasons why it was silly of me to insert myself back into her life now. I pictured running out of gas in her driveway while I was supposed to be helping her/visiting, and I didn’t like that thought.

So I made the decision to go the next few miles to the gas station, then come back and check on her. I immediately felt a caution, that it would be too late if I did that. But I continued to head for the gas station, anyway. I knew I had made the wrong decision. We made it to the gas station and I put a few dollars of gas in, and then realized it was far past lunch.

I went the two miles home and started warming things up for lunch. Then we ate. While eating, I looked at the mail, and realized I need to take a care of a couple things, and before I knew it, an hour had gone by. Then I remembered I was supposed to be checking on my friend.

The only reason I felt I SHOULD go was the Lord. He had wanted me to check on her for reasons only He knew, and I had blown it. I could feel that the time for action had passed, but to make myself feel better (and to be sure she wasn’t lying on the floor somewhere), I called. There was no answer, so I grew concerned and headed back to her place.

As I suspected, when I got there, her vehicle was gone. I knocked on the door, but no one answered. The dog was barking, but he calmed down when I spoke to him. I walked around to the back, and called her name a few times, but all was quiet. Everything looked in good order, so I tried and failed to pet her cat, and then headed back home.

I felt deeply disappointed in myself. I realized that I had failed the test. I wasn’t so much worried about my friend as ashamed that I had disobeyed God. Here I am always talking about how important it is to obey God right when He speaks to us, but I had failed him in a big way when my own situation got tense. I felt pretty sure my friend was physically fine, and that this was really about something else. Did she need someone to talk to? Help with something? Had something happened with her family? I didn’t know why God wanted me to stop, but it was too late now. It was a test that I failed.

To someone who doesn’t know God, this whole thing may feel overblown. Reason steps in and says, “No one would blame you for putting some gas in first–it was the responsible thing to do.” And from a human perspective, they would be right. The next objection might me, “If she can drive, then she can’t be doing that badly. No harm, no foul.” And according to human reason, that’s right, too.

But I understood the task God gave me. And I didn’t do it because, well, deep down, I didn’t really want to stop anyway. I felt uncomfortable socially in trying to re-connect, and I couldn’t see why I needed to. So I rebelled against his command by putting him off. “I’ll go right back,” I had thought in my mind. But I didn’t go right back. I waited an hour.

I remembered what the Lord did for us when we were in trouble with no gas, and realized that when God tells us to do something, he will always provide a way to do that thing he asks. Why else had the gas gauge mysteriously risen to a quarter of a tank just before He asked me to stop?

I have been thinking about what happened ever since. So yesterday morning, as I was sending my husband off to work, he pointed to the moon. The entire sky was covered by clouds except for that one spot, with the moon exactly in the center of the wreath of clouds. It was so beautiful that I decided as soon as I had the chance, I would capture an image of it. (But I wanted to wave goodbye to Jim first.)

I waited and waved, and then I went back in for my camera and set it. When I got back outside, the beautiful moon was nowhere to be found. There was a very cloudy sky and a slightly brighter spot where the moon had been, but it was obviously too late. Jim had even taken the time to point it out to me, but I took the opportunity for granted, and I missed it.

The lesson hit me in my sore spot.

“I get it, God.” I thought. “I need to act as soon as I know I am supposed to do something.” As our former pastor, Keith Porter, used to say, “Delayed obedience is no obedience at all.”

I want to be obedient to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I want to walk in the light as he is in the light. And if the Light walks off the path I was expecting to follow, I still need to follow the Light. If I am sticking to the known path when the Light walks off of it, then I will be all alone in darkness. And I don’t want that to happen again, ever.

I know I missed an opportunity that will not be renewed. I feel deeply that I did the wrong thing, and I am humbled by how far I still have to go in being obedient to my Lord. But I know that “His mercy is everlasting” (Psalm 103:17), and after I have returned to Him, I can rest in His unfailing love (Romans 8:35)

But my disobedience cost something. I don’t know what it is and I really hope it isn’t something that hurt my friend. I know I am forgiven by God for my disobedience, but I am determined not to fail Him the next time.

I remember the story of Job, how God stood and spoke to Satan, and pointed out his faithful servant. Satan protested that Job was only faithful for the rewards God gave him, and so God gave the devil leave to take everything he had given Job, save his life. And Job was faithful through it all. But what if Job had quivered under the pressure and failed with the devil standing right there, watching and accusing, then laughing as if “I told you so?”

I pictured how God must have felt when I wavered and then decided to go home instead of stopping. I couldn’t see His face, but I felt His disappointment in my heart on the way home. I let him down. Each small decision we make, either to obey or to rebel, determines what happens next in our lives, and each disobedience makes it harder and harder to hear God’s voice the next time until eventually we don’t even understand how to obey anymore. I know what it’s like to walk apart from God, and I hate it. And so I will do what I must to teach myself not to rebel, but to obey God. Part of my repentance is to share what I have learned, and the rest is to continue pursuing my friend until I speak to her.

Time is short, and the world is a tinderbox right now; the tinderbox has a flint nearby that is shedding sparks. There are wars, and rumors of wars, and strange warfare that our world has not known before. If God is asking you to take action about something, don’t wait until it’s too late. Let these words that I have written save you from making the same kind of mistake I made.

I urge you to step out in faith and obedience and reap the rewards that he has for you. Sometimes the reward might be the wonderful feeling of helping someone in need, and other times God will introduce you to someone new so that THEY can bless YOU. Sometimes God wants us to do something and we don’t know why, but find out later. Maybe we will never know why this side of eternity. Every day, every moment, is an adventure when you are walking closely with God.

Remember who He is: He is Love; He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He is the Bread of Life, and the Living Water. He is the Alpha (beginning) and Omega (end), the Balm of Gilead (the One Who comforts us), the Most High God, and the Lord of Hosts–literally Lord over All. He is higher than the President of the United States, higher than the most successful multinational businessman in the world, and indeed, even higher than the powers we know nothing about, visible and invisible. He is the Light of the World.

Who are we that He should even notice us? For His reasons, He loves us and has created a path for us to walk, and he stands ready to direct us through his Word, and through our relationship with Him. Come on, I’ll take your hand, and we’ll head back to Him together. Walk right here, next to Him, where it’s safe, because you can see where you are going when you are in the Light.