We are making some needed repairs to this old house that has been our home for 25 years. We are having a roof put on, plus we have been painting it, inside and out.
Yesterday, as I was scraping and painting outside, I remembered painting this very same section a little over 20 years ago. (We used a name brand premium paint–it was supposed to last 20 years, and I am shocked that it did!)
But I realized that some of what I was scraping off was gray, and some of it under that was light green, and the bare wood, underneath, was stained dark green. I had no idea this house was painted dark green, and it stimulated my imagination!
It was white when we bought it. Perhaps in the 1880’s, when it was first built, it was dark green with white trim. See how that dark color, whatever it was, has absorbed into the wood?
When scraping, the ideal is to remove all the paint from the wood so that you can start with a fresh coat of primer. Not only will the final coat look better, but it will last longer.
However, the siding on our house is over 140 years old, and was put on with iron pegs. Over time, the nail holes have worn bigger, and the wood has deteriorated. In some places, the old enamel paint is what is holding it all together!
I can’t help but see the coats of paint as a metaphor.
As we grow in maturity, we put on “coats” of belief, first accepting without question what our parents teach us (or what we “catch” from them.) That first coat sinks into the bare wood more deeply than anything that comes afterward.
But as time goes on, more layers are added over the top. As growing adults, we explore and try things on. We test this belief and that belief, keeping what makes sense and throwing the rest off. The spectrum of what we try on can be especially large if we have no “rudder” (direction or goal) and no “anchor” (something we know is true and do not question.)
In that case, we are adrift in various worldly philosophies, and we naturally take on the color of whatever that stuff is in which we are adrift. In my case, I started out Christian, but I didn’t see the life in Christianity. Maybe that was because I was blind, and maybe it was because some of the people I watched didn’t exhibit signs of spiritual life, even though they proclaimed belief.
“Traitors. . .having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” (2 Timothy 3:4-5)
And I did turn away, a little too far. I left the hypocrites behind, but I also left everything associated with Christianity behind. I drifted into all kinds of beliefs, trying each one on, testing it.
But when the suffering began in my life, I found that all of those beliefs were hollow. I wanted the truth. And when you look at the truth of life without God, really look at it, it’s horrific. You can’t handle the Truth of life without God.
Without God, there is no hope. For a time I accepted the lie that there is no purpose in anything, and that I was here by accident.
(Will a robot or a Timex watch spontaneously assemble itself, if you put the parts next to each other, given enough time? Makes you think, doesn’t it?)
But from that disbelieving point of view, I found I had no hope in anything. I could do whatever I wanted, but nothing mattered. I had no assurance of anything but death. (Death is far surer than taxes, no matter what they say. And I have always hated death, haven’t you?)
Death is not a part of life; it is the lack of life. It is the recall of God’s gift. It is a heart not beating, and still, quiet lungs. Death is decay, and dissolution of the body. It is disgusting, it stinks, and there is nothing beautiful about it.
But even in that sad mental state without God, I discovered that death could not kill love. I still loved my grandma(s), who had passed. I loved my friend from college, who died in a car accident. My love went on after they died.
Why is that? Why does love continue after death? Why does my love go on after the other person stops loving me? What sustains that love?
I have never doubted the power of love, never doubted it’s existence. And I began to realize that God is the source of love. True love, real love that never dies and never gives up can only exist when it flows from the eternal. If love exists against all odds, then so does God.
It wasn’t very long after I made a conscious decision to pursue God, that He began to reveal Himself to me. And at each new revelation, I grew stronger in my hope and faith. Our love goes on because we go on, and because God will sustain us even through the death of the body.
Believing is seeing. I was in a growing relationship with the One True God, and that can only happen when we humble ourselves before Him, and respond to His invitation. He is the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords. He is the supreme ruler of everything that exists. And who am I?
I am completely dependent upon God for my existence. I am more dependent upon God than our sons are dependent upon that machine to be safe way up there in the sky.
God’s got us. And when I finally understood that, my relationship with God was able to grow. For God loves us and wants to be in relationship with us.
We are not even close to being equals with God, so we can’t look to our human relationship rules in order to understand our relationship with God. He has to reveal Himself and His rules to us, for it to work. We have to trust Him and believe Him, and obey His commandments.
It’s not blind trust and forced belief, though. We do need faith for the things that God has promised to us that we can’t see yet. But God will answer our questions and show us all kinds of things if we ask Him. He doesn’t want us to feel insecure. He wants us to understand that our security is in Him, because of His deep love for us.
“Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)
Love is the basis for our relationship with God. We submit as a sign that we are beginning to understand how great He is, and how small and fragile we are in comparison. God does not want to dominate us; to the contrary, He is the one who empowers our free will. He encourages us to grow in our knowledge of Him, but even more than that, He wants our love.
Back to the paint metaphor, God didn’t scrape away all the things that held me together right from the start, or all at once. He built me up until I saw that I didn’t need those false things. And when I understood that they were false and dead, they came away from me easily, without hurting the part of me that was alive. I let the dead stuff go, and began to live.
He has been so gentle with me, while I have sometimes remained entwined in this world, and the things of man. I get so frustrated with myself, but I am so thankful that Jesus will lead me the same way a good shepherd leads his sheep back to where it is safe.
As I was scraping the house and remembering my past painting experiences, my words kept coming back to me. I remembered how I told someone they could find our house because “it was the worst one on the block.” I have made many similar comments over the years, putting down this beautiful home that God gave us. It’s not that I disliked the home; rather, I was afraid other people would judge me (us).
I was humiliated when I remembered all of this. And there behind the bushes, I repented to God for my complaining spirit. I thanked him for the perfect home that He provided–perfect just for us. I could finally see that, and also see how I had hurt the Lord.
I broke down and cried in the front yard, asking God to forgive me for belittling His generous provision. I had just never thought about the way that God would feel when He heard my words. So He showed me.
(The Lord protected my dignity by bringing these things to mind while I was in “private,” behind the bushes. He even protected me while He was chastening me; it’s another example of how deeply God loves us!)
God knew that our family loved to fix things up and make it “our own.” So He gave us a house where we got plenty of practice.
We have all learned so much. This house was the perfect place in which our children could grow. They learned how to put up drywall, and to make plumbing and electrical repairs. They learned how to fix so many things: Rewire a lamp, fix a roof, drywall a ceiling, troubleshoot a furnace board, and build a chicken coop. . .and each one of those opportunities was a GIFT. And each one provided more than just memories; they produced real skills that will last a lifetime.
Though we couldn’t always buy supplies, God was providing resources to enhance our creativity. Because we didn’t have money, we had to work with the material on hand. And what we ended up with wasn’t the same thing as what we would have if we just bought supplies. What we produced became necessarily unique, and creative.
“Necessity, my friend, is the mother of courage, as of invention.” –Sir Walter Scott, from Quentin Durward
God’s provision of resources for our projects continues today (and I have faith that it will never stop). This week, we painted the bathroom. After it was done, I stepped back and sighed.
“It looks OK. I wouldn’t have picked this color, but. . .”
“But God picked out the color, mom, so you know it’s the right one.”
Beau helped me finish the sentence, and I was grateful. And after I was done blushing at the gentle correction, I knew he was right. It is the right color; it’s the righteous one.
Thankfulness. My heart is overwhelmed by thankfulness for all that God has done for us while we were here.
I’m smiling. It’s a little bit of a crooked smile, because I remember my faults and my sins before God, but now that I have confessed them, He has made me clean. And humble.
In truth, I have loved every minute of being here. We have so many stories from this house! And in hindsight, which is always 20/20, I am so thankful!
“You don’t know what you’ve got, till it’s gone.”
It’s so hard to think about leaving this lovely little nest, but it was made homey by the presence of God, and that will be with us when we go.
Not because He follows us, but because we are following Him!
I’m so glad that you are following Him with us, my dear friends! God is good, and He will guide us and keep us all the way, even when we are old and gray! Please pray for us as we face these new challenges, and we will pray for you, too. May God bless you!
The Fullers Four 